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 Maidens Puppet Preview

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Posts : 4
Join date : 2010-12-15

PostSubject: Maidens Puppet Preview   Thu Jan 06, 2011 6:52 am

Heya guys thought it was about time i posted a teaser of my current story Maidens Puppet on here, Its still being developed but i thought i should give you a small taster on whats to come would appreciate any comments you guys have >: D

Rolling over trying to make himself more comfortable Jin felt something close to his face slowly and tiredly opening his eyes a shape blurred at first due to Jins tired eyes, he blinked a few times trying to get his vision back until he recognized a face, her face the face of the girl who had made the past few weeks of Jins life extremely hard was now for some unknown reason sharing a bed with him. Her perfect pale skinned face was almost glistening in the morning sunlight, her fragile frame looking peaceful underneath the warm blankets of Jins bed seeing this Teya a quiet peaceful girl who wasn’t shouting or making a remark made Jin feel something strange a feeling he had never felt before deep in his chest, almost as if he couldn’t breathe snapping back to his senses he sat up and gave her a shake causing her to release a small happy moan as she opened her eyes

looking up at Jin one of her eyes a Blood red and the other a angelic blue a devious smile was on her face as she spoke "Mmmmm Morning handsome how about breakfast" Jin paused for a few moments "Why are you in my bed..." shuffling closer to Jin she yawned resting her head on his chest " It gets cramped in there and I was hot, Why what’s the matter never had a girl share your bed" she remarked with a small giggle at the end "...Your not funny "Jin replied "moving closer again Teya was now pressed against Jin her arms wrapped around him "Oh don’t be mean, isn’t it nice to be close to someone" Looking down at her staring into her eyes how could a girl this beautiful cause so many problems.

"it depends on the girl " shuffling to the end of his bed Jin stared out the window looking at the two suns in the sky "I’m never going to get used to this place. jumping forward Teya wrapped her arms around Jins neck pressing her chest against his back "you will in time my Puppet" she commented "we should get up now or we're going to be late to combat practice" standing up and turning to face her Jin went silent for a few seconds " Why are you wearing my shirt" Teya was knelt down on the bed" Hrmm? Oh yeah it is" stretching it forward she smiled” When your cooped up inside someone head a lot you don’t tend to own many clothes" she lifted the shirt up” Oh and I also borrowed these" Looking down Jin sighed "and...my underwear" poking her tongue out at him she dropped the shirt back down climbing off the bed now stood in front of Jin her small stature being apparent to Jin only measuring up the top of his arms "you can have them back if you'd like” Lifting the shirt up once more to pull it off Jin stopped her " its fine...just ask next time please?" once again bringing the top back down to her waist,

giggling at his remark she trailed her finger down his chest " Oh puppet...what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine" she remarked with a wink at the end "I need to get dressed we are going to be late..." Teya huffed crossing her arms “Fine if it will stop your whining lets go..." Holding his right hand out Teya closed her eyes her body started to glow a bright white until a ball of white energy flew up to the ceiling and down into his hand the clothes she was wearing fell to the floor empty of the small frame that donned them moments ago " Thank you" Jin replied quietly.

Pulling on his clothes Jin looked once more in the mirror like Teya Jin also had one blood red eye a side effect of the blending between the two, walking towards the door a voice sounded in Jins head "I will be sleeping in your bed again tonight its far too cramped inside this head of yours” sensing being cramped in someone’s head could get quite claustrophobic and lonely jin sighed " Fine...just wait until im asleep” hearing her giggle inside his head she replied “ very well puppet if that is what you wish”
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Posts : 28
Join date : 2010-12-10
Age : 28
Location : Australia

PostSubject: Re: Maidens Puppet Preview   Sat Jan 15, 2011 6:55 pm

thats pretty good so far. I only noticed a few places that needed commas but other then that i thought it was great. Whats this story going to be about cause from that peice i can only work out there on a different planet they do combat training so they are in a military of some sort and its set quite a bit in the future cause there is some kind of fusion
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Posts : 57
Join date : 2010-12-08
Age : 24
Location : Canada

PostSubject: Re: Maidens Puppet Preview   Sat Jan 15, 2011 7:27 pm

i like it so far, it seems to be an interesting story. id like to see what kind of character development you could do with this kind of set-up
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